old friends
by monopolymouse
Summary: "Jade stops thinking about Tori. She's not gay. She likes Beck, goddammit. Beck with his stupid smile and his stupid hair and his stupid laugh. She tells herself she loves him, she believes it. " AU, Jori.
1. Chapter 1

"I'm never getting married." She says one day. The sun is shining and she's at the park with her mom, Jade's playing in the sand. She said the comment offhandedly, like she was telling her mom what she wanted for lunch.

Jade's mom presses her lips in a thin line. She looks down at her five year old daughter and nods. She knows it's her fault.

...

Jade's ten years old when it finally happens. The word divorce rings through her ears and she feels sick. She tells herself she shouldn't be surprised. Her parents have been fighting since she can remember. Jade's dad looks at her, his face once so full of warmth and love for his daughter, now cold and distant. He's breaking her heart and he knows it.

They never tell her exactly why it happened. She thinks it's because of the fighting, it _has_ to be. She settles with that conclusion until she finds out the truth years later and she's still shocked, still wishing it was because they just hadn't clicked, that they were never in love because it's so much easier that way. Jade doesn't want to think of her parents being happy and in love once. It doesn't seem right.

...

At twelve she stops believing in romance and happy endings.

...

"Why do you wear all black?" Her best friend asks one day, they're at her house. Her mom is out, like always.

"Why are you so annoying?" She teases. There would be malice in her tone, there _should _be malice in her tone. But it's Tori asking and Tori can't make Jade hate her no matter what. It didn't stop Jade from trying when they first met though. She thought the other girl was too perky, too helpful.

They weren't supposed to get along but they did. Tori wouldn't give up on Jade and Jade appreciated that, even though she would rather stab herself with her favorite scissors than admit it.

She wanted to hate Tori. She really did. Jade told herself she didn't believe in happy endings but if she had her best friend with her, maybe, just maybe, her ending wouldn't be so tragic.

...

On the night of her fourteenth birthday, the last birthday she would celebrate in middle school she throws a sleepover party. It is so not her style but her friend had insisted and she didn't feel like arguing. There were only two people invited, Jade didn't have many friends.

When the clock strikes four am and Annie is sleeping but Jade and Tori are wide awake and sitting next to each other, they're close, so close, and then Tori is kissing Jade or Jade is kissing Tori (neither can tell who initiated it.) It's perfect and Jade finally understands the concept of butterflies in your tummy when you have a crush.

The next morning she wakes up to Annie reading a book and Tori gone. It was the last time she saw her because summer was almost over and they would be going to different high schools. Jade frowned and kicked Annie out (this was the last time she saw her too, but Annie wasn't important).

...

Jade's dad doesn't congratulate her on getting into Hollywood Arts.

...

Beck doesn't come into her life until much later. She had seen him around but it wasn't until he asked her out on a date that she really noticed him. She wanted to think he was cute, she wanted to think the way his hair fell in his face was adorable, she tried so hard to be attracted to him. But when he kissed her all she could think about was Tori and Tori's soft lips and Tori's eyes and suddenly when her own eyes fluttered closed Beck wasn't there anymore. It was just her and Tori. It was just her and another _girl._

...

Jade stops thinking about Tori. She's not _gay. _She likes Beck, goddammit. Beck with his stupid smile and his stupid hair and his stupid laugh. She tells herself she loves him, she believes it.

...

At sixteen, there's a new girl at her school. She can't believe who it is but she yells at the girl, she yells, at _Tori_ anyway. After all, Beck was hers, and nobody should be touching him, especially not _her old best friend who she hadn't seen in two years._


	2. Chapter 2

Jade West was many things, she was a writer, a director, a singer, a friend. She was a person with likes and dislikes (albeit, more dislikes). She was terrifying and beautiful and smart. Tori Vega knew all these things. Tori also knew Jade went to this school, she knew she would run into her old friend sooner or later but she was really hoping it would be later rather than sooner.

Tori, however, did not anticipate reuniting with Jade like she did. She hadn't meant to touch the other girls boyfriend, it wasn't her fault he was hot and she accidentally spilled coffee on him and she wanted to help him clean it up so he wouldn't totally hate her.

She wanted to apologize, she did. But it was hard when all she could do was stare as Jade glared at her and then finally left, dragging the boy along.

…

The rest of the day passed by without incident, until she had to kiss the hot boy, Beck, in her acting class. Tori honestly thought Jade was going to kill her.

Lunch passed and Jade didn't say anything though, she only occasionally snuck glances at Tori. They were both uncomfortable and didn't know what to say.

The rest of the group was wondering why Jade hadn't decided to cause Tori emotional, psychological, and/or physical harm for kissing her boyfriend but didn't mention it.

Soon lunch was over and everyone was leaving for their next class. Jade, not wanting to be alone with Tori, left as fast as she could. Beck threw questioning looks at her. He didn't say anything, figuring Jade was just in one of her "moods".

Tori scowled and walked to her next class, she sat down at her desk and prepared to ignore the teacher for the next forty five minutes. All she wanted to do was get her feelings sorted out. Talking to Jade was step number one. Admitting she made a mistake was step number two. The truth was, Tori missed her a lot and there wasn't a day gone by where she didn't regret leaving. As her thoughts flew through her mind she thought of her friendship with the other girl, the ups and downs, and finally the day it all went to shit.

…

_One day Trina was telling Tori how to know if you're in love. It was a rare moment of wisdom for Trina. Tori still remembers the day she said it. It was a Sunday and they were playing Barbies in her room. "Now listen here little sis. When you hear a love song on the radio and your face starts smiling even though you don't tell it to and your heart beats just a little faster because all you can think of is that one person then you know you're in love." Tori had nodded, she picked up that piece of advice and stored in her heart for when the time was right. She never forgot it. _

_ Years later when she was listening to the radio and a generic love song came on, her heart did start beating fast and she was smiling. The only person she could think of was Jade, Jade with her pretty blue eyes and her dark hair and her equally as dark humor. When realization hit her, her face contorted into a look of pain, her smile dropped and was replaced with a frown. She couldn't be in love with Jade. She couldn't be in love with a girl. _

_ Tori ripped Trina's advice from her heart and discarded it. Her sister was wrong, it was Trina and Trina wasn't really all that smart, she thought. _

_ And that was that. Tori naively assume all her less-than-platonic feelings for her best friend would go away. They didn't._

_ She pretended everything was normal, she didn't want to lose Jade, Tori valued their friendship too much. The night of Jade's party ruined everything. _

_ They were talking like always. Conversation was easy, laughter tumbling out of the girls' mouths at whatever the other said. Inside jokes lacing every other sentence. Annie was sleeping, she was a good friend to both of them but she wasn't as close as they were. _

_ Without noticing it Tori had moved closer to Jade, her fingertips brushed the other girl's leg. They were sitting next to each other, on top of Jade's couch. The room was dark and cool, filled with only the sound of them talking and Annie's gentle breathing. Jade turned to look Tori after she had said something particularly funny. Tori turned to look at Jade too. Her breath caught in her throat. God, Jade was gorgeous she thought. Before she knew it she was leaning in and Jade was closing her eyes and they were kissing. _

_ It was clumsy, neither girl had much experience but they couldn't stop. Tori's fingers had found themselves in Jade's hair and Jade had parted her lips when Tori pulled on the dark locks. The room was dark and cool and Jade was dark and warm and Tori just couldn't help notice this. Her palms were sweaty and her heart was racing and her mind just screamed at her stop, stop Tori, stop this, Tori, stop. Her thoughts were drowned out with the scent of Jade, with the feel of Jade's hands and lips and it felt so right but they both knew they had crossed a line they didn't know they had set. _

_ The two girls pulled apart minutes later. They were both smiling. They were both enjoying the moment because deep down they knew this would change everything. _

_ The next morning Tori was gone before anyone had woken up, the memory of what happened following her out the door. She felt stupid. She felt sick. She had just ruined everything and no matter how much it hurt she vowed to never see Jade again. She didn't want a girlfriend, she wanted a best friend because that was what girls were supposed to be to each other, that's what she and Jade were supposed to be to each other. _

…

A sigh escaped Tori's lips as class ended. She didn't like thinking about that time in her life, gay panic was so cliché. Especially because she lived in Hollywood, there were gay couples _everywhere. _Her parents raised her to accept everyone. So why was it different when it came to herself? Current Tori was out and proud, past Tori was just a scared baby lesbian.

Even after coming to terms with her sexuality she never called Jade again. She wanted to, of course, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Jade had planted herself in Tori's brain and wouldn't leave. No matter how many girls Tori kissed or dated, Jade was always there. Everyday. But Jade was _straight_. Being rejected would mean she could finally move on. Tori wasn't ready. She wanted to hang onto Jade for as long as she could. Tori was scared. She couldn't still be Jade's friend with her feelings towards the girl, no matter how much she thought it could work.

Not seeing the blue eyed girl ever again seemed like the best plan, her rational side concluded. Then she got accepted into Hollywood Arts. The opportunity was huge, Tori knew she couldn't pass it up, even if it was Jade's school. She would just have to take it with her head held high.


End file.
